There are few situations in your life in which you cannot decide what you feel at that particular moment..eh,confusing no? Exactly that i was, an awkward confused mess if nothing else. Before today I havn’t ever experienced these myriads of emotions i am feelings right now,that are turning from each n every cornor of my self, contrasting each other and creating more mess if that was even possible. There was anxiety, excitement, nervousness, panic,dread and thirty six other things i cannot decide were secretly bubbling inside me.
Sitting infront of me was the God’s gift to women-kind and sitting infront of him was the favorite child of mess. Yeah, somewhat on that note.
So, we were sitting in another posh Italian restaurant of the town where in normal circumstances one has to wait for months to get a booking, but we smoothly get along since ours was a reserved case. Gosh, This arnav whatever must be something i tell you. So, i was in this cute little dress from Armani Lace fit n flare collection that landed just inches above my mid thighs which arnav had gifted me last night.The deep royal blue color was beautifully contrasting against my pale skin in turn accentuating it.The sleeveless,blue sheer polka dot dress with the lace overlay, sweet A line silhouette, Scoop back neckline and completing the look was a gold tone zipper closure at the back. I had paired the dress with a brown sleek n thin leather belt and red pumps and it was fitting so elegantly on me that i enjoyed my own share of men’s attention showered on me during our short walk from the entrance to our reserved table. Do i need to describe how my ‘date’ for tonight was looking cause i am sure i wont be able to do justice with the words? To say he was the deadly combination of hotness, seduction and beauty and charm, all rolled into one, would be enough for the starters.
Our table was filled with the mouth watering Italian cuisines that ranged from Baked ziti to Risotto, Lasagna to carbonara to chocolate peppermint cake to several others that had me left wondering whether that was really for both of us? like this whole mountain of food for just two of us..? Seems like Italian is really his thing. But despite the delicious food placed in front of us, my appetite seemed to have taken a second place for my mind was going insane with our impending conversation that he so desperately wanted to have, as per what he had said last night on phone But the man sitting infront of me who was feasting gracefully on these yummy italian cuisines with the charm of the most carefree person in the world having all the time on his hands. Here by each second i was turning into a nervous mess and he seemed to thoroughly enjoying our so called ‘date’ here. The fact that we havent discussed ‘US’ till now was turning me into nothing more than a bundle of awkward something. The fact that i was at the receiving end of all womenly glares from cross the room who seemed to just undressing him with their gaze was not helping a bit. The fact that he was so obvious of all the attention he was garnering from the opposite sex..including me, was adding its own cents too.
“Khushi..dont play with your food..finish it”
His low but stern voice dragged me out of my reverie and it was then i realized i was merely pushing the food here n there. God, i cant take it anymore else i’ll die of anticipation or panic or whatever it is.
“You said we need to talk”
i blurted out suddenly despite my efforts to control my wayward thoughts who were monitoring my tongue now.
“You need to eat first”
what? who am i? a three year old? and what is he? my guardian?
I thought of opening my mouth to throw back a crisp retort on that line but thought against it seeing the intent look he was passing to me. Feeling like a child who just got a lecture from his parent i dragged my lashes back to my plate and realized its probably not fair to punish this tasty yummy thing lying on the plate in the first place.
Eating a spoonful of that risotto and my appetite that was lingering around somewhere came crashing back with full force.
Some fifteen minutes later, he was having his coffee and i was having my dessert which was a particular Beeramisu in this case, a modified version of the classic italian desert, with the addition of bear in it. Do i need to say it was the best desert i’ve ever had. Courtesy that monster. I must be making some satisfied sounds of moan while having it cause during one such bite, his voice had my attention back to him,
“I like women with appetite”
I stopped midway, the spoon hanging in air, analyzing his sentence in my mind..it was meant to be a compliment, i guess, but my mind seemed to decode it the other way. A sudden pang of jealousy hit my guts instantly realizing how many women he had dined n wined with..like this. Okay, that was completely nonsense on my part i knew that but it seemed to stuck there like forever.
“Stop over analyzing..just that i like to see you eating like a normal human being”
“i love this dress on you..its perfect”
even before i could respond back to his previous statement he added in the compliment about the dress he had gifted. Perfect? yup, i second him on that. A blush appeared on my cheeks slowly, heating them up under his intense gaze and i mumbled a polite thankyou.
“But its taking everything in me not to rip it apart too..”
This time my mouth gaped open, jaw dropping to the floor, my eyes bulged out of their sockets at the blatant way he said that…that. Out of all the possibilities that i have drawn up in my mind since his call last night on how he would approach this subject, this thing was way ahead of what i was expecting. To say, i wasnt expecting it at all would probably be a lie..i knew it somewhere deep down in my heart what he wanted to talk about and i had planned to maintain a cool head n a casual approach while declining it..or so i had thought..but just one sentense out of his mouth and he had left me bowled out on the first ball itself.
When i still didnt respond and kept staring him like a deer caught in headlights, he added in lazily,
“Listen, i dint mean to scare you off like that but i am not the kind to beat around the bushes”
So i had thought!
“and this thing that we have between us is too hard to ignore”
Hard? No, khushi..dont go there.
i gulped past the lump in my throat, blinked back my lashes, bite up the inner part of my lower lip, all for buying out some time and refraining myself from responding..for the time being though.
“So since i’ve made it pretty clear that i am attracted towards you..and vice versa..as far as i can read you”
His eyes turned a darker shade of blue while his lips curled into a devilish smirk that had my heart leapt to my throat at that very moment.
Setting his mug aside, he took my smaller hand in his broader one, the undercurrents that went through my entire body just with our mere contact had my goosebumps flashing throughout in an instant,
“See..this is what i was taking about it..and its time we explore this”
I closed my eyes..his touch and his close presence invading my sane thoughts already..my eyes fluttered open when i felt his knuckles lightly caressing my cheeks, he was about to say something but my phone chose to rang at that very moment breaking that intensely private moment.
Making a sorry face at the interruption i found it was one of my office colleague calling me, declining the call, i put it back on the table and faced him again, a bit gathered this time with a small presentable smile on my face, but came across his face expressions that were now changed from the last time i’ve seen. The playfulness of earlier was nowhere to be seen and his jaws were a lil clentched.
oh..pissed off..are we? Trying to damage control, i opened my mouth for the first time since this conversation started..now that the ‘sensational’ part is laid out in the open and my mind was busy analysing it from
every angle possible, it dint sounded that much offended as it had been then. Plus the fact that he was right in stating the fact made it a bit less controversial than my mind wanted it to project.So taking a way too deep breath i chose to lay out my cards in open,
“You know about my past and what i’ve been through in last few weeks. A relationship is the last thing i want at this point”
there you go!
He leaned back in his chair, crossing his arms, his face expressions showing his brain’s wheels were churning fast at their own pace, calculating every minute detail n aspect of what i was saying.
“I am not saying we gonna marry each other”
god..how he just knocked me off balance by his single sentence only..heat began to rise slowly in my cheeks when he continued this time with the calmness of an ocean,
“there’s something about you that kept pulling me towards you..and its very unlikely for a man like me. I not gonna butter up the situation, the fact is i need to have you again to wipe you out of my system..”
i looked at him, stumbled by his words..partly feeling good that i was not the only puppet in the hand of emotions and partly amused by his logic but he seemed to be completely at ease over what he just said. Pondering over his words, i relieved a bit at his openness regarding the status of how things gonna be between us. If only ‘We’ happened,then
“Errm..okay fine..but what if whatever this thing that is between us fizzles out as soon as it starts, then?”
I stated in a firm voice my suspicions, air quoting the word thing and pointing the space between us with the motion of my index finger. It was indeed a genuine question from my side..what if the strong attraction thats pulling us towards each other fades out soon even before we know it,so where would we be hanging then?
” Good for us then..we would both be free of each other..dont you think?”
I nodded pondering over his reply, going through pros n cons of this dangerously tempting situation that’s staring at me..enticing me towards it and i would be a liar to say that i wasnt giving a damn.
cause i was.
and the honest side of my brain knew that i have mentally started walking towards that big door of opportunity that’s pulling towards me with all its force. i’ve spend all my life in an all controlled calculative manner and still it threw me in a vulnerable position. High time for the real,careless khushi to take over. Glancing once at him, at the beautiful creation of god, blue eyes staring at me through their lashes, piercing me intently, jaw firmly set
with a day’s worth of stubble, God, how can someone say no to a man like him..whatever the tagged along terms & Conditions are then. Keeping in mind that all i have to follow is a ‘No Expectations No Demand No Commitments’ rule and i would do good.Decision now made, i felt a bit lightheaded and smile a relieved smile for the first time. The real khushi was about to set in action.
“Kay..am ready to give it a chance”
I said with real confidence oozing out of me and felt giddy the moment his lips twitched into a gorgeous smirk. Lifting my hand, he placed a soft kiss on my knuckles and the glint in his eyes just got a shade darker.
“I more thing…”
after a moment he added when he found my attention was fully on him again,
“I am a very possessive guy and i don’t share, I want you exclusively, so as long as we are together..no flings, nothing of that sort cause i wont tolerate it..will that be a problem?”
His statement should have offended me in the first place but seeing him going all caveman with this Mine attitude, flared something in me. Plus i’ve seen him behaving exactly like that in whatever limited time period i have known him, its one characterstic trait that describe him to the best..how the hell i forget about Mr. Toothy Grin in the bar.
i said flashing a assuring smile before adding,
“But that thing has to go both ways..You think you can manage that?..”
and the amused grin he threw at me in response threw me off balance,
He signaled the waiter to come, when i jumped in between with the last question that was lurking in my mind since long,
“One more thing i wanna ask”
The look on his face told me that he was going to avoid answering this question, but then it was one thing that i need to know in order to quench my impending doubts..i was almost sure he would deny an answer when he surprised me again,
“why me?..well, about that i can only say i was lucky to be in that shoddy bar in the first place”
he continued when my brows furrowed in confusion.
“You know the top most rule to become successful in business,keep a close eye on your competitors and you’ll always find areas of improvement in yours. I was just lingering around in that bar, checking their
services and stuff..and then i noticed this vulnerable girl dressed to her best in a lil black number with a mask of confidence, drinking alcohol with a speed like she’s a pro..but it took me a mere second to realized
that she was so out of place and her comfort zone.i dont know but i got this sudden strange urge to protect you from whatever demons were chasing you..and guess what, you gave me the opportunity yourself”
He ended it with a sheepish smile lingering on his full lips, his last line reminded me about how i had fainted in his arms in that washroom and i felt my cheeks heating up slightly at the mere mention of that incident.
“Trust me…its not gonna be that bad..we’ll see how it goes..but one thing am sure of..i am not gonna hurt you like your bas***d ex fiance”
That one sentence mixed with the honest look into his eyes had all my suspicions and doubts washed away in an instant..all my apprehensions lingering at the back of my mind died their own death and i felt as light as a feather for the first time in ages.
I dint know whether its right or wrong..but i was definitely going to give me a chance to explore whatever future is hiding in its palms and i was so ready for it…the real me!