There is this very famous saying,
Words and hearts should be handled with care,
cause words when spoken & hearts when broken,
are the HARDEST things to REPAIR
The actual depth and meaning of the above words can only be understood by someone who had experienced it first hand.
and right now, Arnav Singh Raizada was one such soul.
He had always lived his life on his own terms..no matter what. The Raizada Empire that he had built on his own,wouldn’t have been possible otherwise. For the world, he was a man minus the emotions, and honestly, he didn’t care an ounce about it cause they were only seeing what he choose to show them.
He had always believed that ‘emotions‘ were the human’s worst enemy cause they make you weak, vulnerable and helpless in front of others. He was very well aware of the fact, how it felt like to be ‘helpless’, how it felt like being weak and at other’s mercy. How it felt like not being able to save your loved ones.
Poverty, Hungerness and Betrayal
He had seen it all at a very early stage of his life. in fact, the deadly trio was one of the most prominent reasons to why the once innocent and full of life boy is the brutal Entrepreneur ASR today.
so Arnav Singh Raizada had made a conscious decision of never choosing emotions over anything..ever..even if his life would depend on it.
and, he must say he was performing quite excellent in that field..until NOW!
He didn’t know when his above rules shifted so drastically in this span of 1 week and were laughing at his face now.
with that he found the same helplessness residing in himself yet again.. stronger n more permanently this time and that’s what frustrated him more.
It had been a week since that incident. Not much had happened after that externally..but he felt, during this time span..he had traveled thousands n millions of miles in his thoughts..he had been a constant traveler there..dwelling on things..analyzing them..convincing himself that he was never wrong..patting himself for taking the correct action and observing the after-effects.
but why it felt like something was deadly missing.
His business mind started comparing how it happens when they work on a crucial project.
They make or sometimes manipulate their tenders to get a crucial project..Then they make plans..with excellent management n leadership as his main tool, they work towards its completion and when
that’s successful, comes along with it..the satisfaction. the Joy n the immense proud.
However in ‘this‘ project..Joy was nowhere to be seen, whereas Satisfaction was replaced by frustration and pride by restlessness.
He looked at the digital clock on the bedside table.
2:13 am and then glanced at the other side of the bed.
Her side.. was empty now.
The Devi maiya’s idol that she used to keep on her bedside table..was gone too.
He changed his position n turned sideways..tried sleeping again..one more time..but even he knew sleep was the last thing he would get these days.. especially in their empty bedroom.
He never knew he would be so affected by somebody’s presence ..that with her not being there..his own room felt like a stranger to him.
He turned again, resuming his original position, facing her side.
closing his eyes, he caressed her side of the bed with his palm, the cool bedsheet giving him instant soothing relief.
He still remembered very clearly, her not-so-successful efforts of controlling her tears by battling her lashes, the gulping of her throat, the trembling n quivering of her lips, the cracked voice..when he was
brutally hurling accusations over her.
and most of all, those questioning eyes.
the intensity of them was so powerful that, for once he thought she could easily see through his facade.
that she knew his every thought..that she was aware of what was going on in his mind and decided to play along with it.
But she couldn’t hide that curtain of tears in those orbs that still gave him sleepless nights.
In this one week, he found himself thinking about that incident over n over again, once in mid of an important conference.
Even his secretary had to re-schedule a few of his meetings, cuz he was too occupied n kind of ‘stressed’ to deal with.
snapping at his employees whoever crossed his path was now a common thing.
He had thought sending her away would somewhat help the situation but certainly, it made the matter even worse.
He still remembered the scenario at the dining table, next morning after that incident.
They all were seated and having their breakfast, while Khushi was serving the parathas to everyone.
“Khushi ji..what happened? you okay na?”
A concerned Anjali asked Khushi on spotting her extremely pale face and diverting everyone’s attention towards her.
He too glanced at her form, from the corner of his eyes. Her face was hollow, devoid of any emotion, the usual glint in her orbs was surely missing and Arnav knew that the smile she instantly plastered over those lips while answering to his di was…completely fake.
He knew when she smiled genuinely, it instantly reached to her eyes, glowing them even more like light bulbs.
He heard her saying “nahi di..m completely fine” in an extremely cracked and hoarse voice..as if..as if..she had cried the whole night.
and then with expertise, she diverted the attention by saying,”Di..leejiye ye paraathe..”
He felt a slight instant pang of guilt cause somewhere he knew he was responsible for this but he instantly brushed that thought aside.
“Did you two had a fight..kyu chotey..?“
An adamant Anjali now questioned him, not buying her reasons anymore.
His head snapped up from the paper that he was reading n he came across the piercing gaze of his sister who was all ready to fight with him now.
But even before he could form any sort of reply in his mind, Khushi rushed to his side, for his rescue.
She placed her hand gently on his shoulder and this time replied in a more convincing voice,
“arrey di..its nothing like that..ye humse kabhi nahi ladte..inhe rehna nahi hai kya ghar me..” , smacking him playfully
The reply genuinely worked cause that earned bouts of giggles from all the family members, including Anjali di too and his di who was ready to swallow him up a few minutes ago was now teasing him on how he had become a ‘zoru-ka-gulaam’ just months after his marriage.
But she still confirmed her leftover doubts and asked Khushi again,
“Khushi ji..u sure..its just you are not looking ur normal self..are you sick..?”
“Di..i am fine..v..vo bas aaj babuji ki bahut yaad aa rahi hai..”,
Arnav glanced at Khushi who replied in a low cracked voice, dropping her lashes, her dupatta bunched in her fist and he knew she was trying hard to control her tears.
“Khushi ek kaam karo..kuch din mil aao apne babuji se..you will feel better”, Arnav who was observing the whole scenario very closely, opened his mouth for the first time.
Send her away..thats the only solution Raizada..yes..after last night its probably the last nail in the coffin.Definitely good for all..during this
time,you can live in peace..and so will she..things will be much clear and will automatically fall in place.
“han khushi ji..ye sahi rahega..aap 1 week k liye ho aaiye..“, anjali replied smiling at khushi and confirming his plan.
“Akash..can you drop her..I have an early meeting this morning..“, Arnav said glancing towards Akash.
“Ji bhai..sure..anything for bhabhi..”
“ok then..di main nikalta hoon..”
Saying this, he drew back his chair, collected his laptop and coat, kissed Khushi on her cheeks, who was quietly having her breakfast now and made his way towards the door.
just realizing, that she never for once looked at him in his eyes ..during this whole incident.
It’s been a whole week since then..and each day he felt more guilty than the previous one.
Each day seemed like its dragging to no end.
Each day he returned to ‘their’ empty, cold, life-less bedroom.
His weakness..his work..which he had always enjoyed in his past..felt like a burden to him.
The meals were not the same…anymore.
In the starting..he couldn’t accept the fact that her absence could affect him that much.
But as days passed..when he analyzed more n yet more..he started doubting his actions.
maybe sending her away was not “the bestest” option.
or maybe..he should have taken another route.
Raizada its just you are giving this issue way too importance, his business mind tried telling him this, many times but to no avail.
She never called him once in these 6 days..but he was aware that she called Anjali di daily..he even once caught om prakash talking to Khushi on the
phone..blabbering something like, here all are missing her and she should come back soon and blah blah.
He didn’t know about others, but right now he genuinely wanted her back soon.
Not cuz he was missing her..but he had discovered the actual reason.
He thought mentally.
after thinking endlessly..day n night.. analyzing and re-analyzing the incident..his present state and all crap around him, his mind finally presented him the ‘reason’ of his restlessness from the past 6 days.
He finally accepted that his method was wrong and he shouldn’t have hurt her, which was totally not fair on his part.
He finally acknowledged the fact he was hiding for so long..the fact that was laughing on his face.. that he needs to apologize for his behavior.
Though practically, he was still miles apart from the true solution to his problem, even accepting a thing like this was a big deal for a man like Arnav.
and then, when she’ll forgive me.. it will be all okay..This restlessness..this anxiety and everything.
He convinced himself with more determination this time..his thoughts were more clear for the first time in days, he felt light-headed n he genuinely smiled at his ability to track a solution for the problem that was haunting him for days.
He looked at the clock again
But this time he didn’t freak out at his insomniac behavior..he just found out what he had to do..to make things fall in place.
A mere sorry..it will take.
Okay fine..NO BIG DEAL!
Throwing aside his pillow, he grabbed hers from her side and inhaled it, that fruity smell of her shampoo entered his nostrils n instantly calmed his anxious nerves.
and within few minutes, Arnav Singh Raizada drifted off in a peaceful slumber..for the first time in a week.
courtesy..his wife’s pillow!